Personal relationships: reframing escapism

Patterning Archetypal Templates of Emergent Order: implications of diamond faceting for enlightening dialogue (Part #8)

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Previous sections pointed to archetypal patterns with which many resonate and then explored the metaphoric role of diamond in framing the dynamics that sustains them -- pointing to the use of this metaphor in certain highly disciplined practices of Buddhism. The last section returned to the archetypal dimension, drawing attention to its potential relationship to beliefs and multidimensional speculations that exert a powerful attraction on quite different constituencies.

But these perspectives effectively distance people from alternative ways of framing their realities -- framings that are most accessible in their moment-by-moment relationship to one another. Indeed, as attractors, the apparent temporal distance of the 'golden age' archetypal templates, the futuristic science fiction variants, the many years of disciplined practice of Diamond Way of Buddhism, or the romanticized belief in the indigenous cultures of others, all constitute a form of escapism. They all offer means of creating distance from the lived realities and challenges of the present moment.

The question is whether daily relationships effectively have the possibility of being lived, by many, in ways that are quite different to those framed by conventional, mainstream perspectives [more]. This calls for new ways of reframing the kind of 'distance' associated with escapism -- perhaps involving the kind of 'detachment' of which much is made in certain spiritual practices (including a quality of detachment from the escapist detachment trap). A number of useful metaphoric examples of relationships with this quality may be clustered as follows:

• Martial arts: The philosophy guiding the more advanced levels of expertise in Eastern martial arts (such as aikido) places great emphasis on the attitude towards the other. This attitude is reframed so that the nature of the relationship has more degrees of freedom accompanied by both a greater intimacy and a greater vigilance. The other is sensed in other ways and the opposition is positioned in ways that may allow any conflict to be transformed and avoided. According to Yagyu Munenori for example: 'The goal of training in the martial arts is to overcome six kinds of disease: the desire for victory, the desire to rely on technical cunning, the desire to show off, the desire to psychologically overwhelm the opponent, the desire to remain passive in order to wait for an opening, and the desire to become free of these diseases.'
  
  It is appropriate to note the manner in which Japanese management language is currently influenced by such classical texts as The Book of Five Rings (Miyamoto Musashi, 1982 tr) which is a treatise on swordsmanship expressed in poetic metaphor [more]. It may be argued that whereas Japanese strategy is also articulated through military and sporting metaphors, these are more subtle and less mechanistic than those of the West -- leading to subtler and more sophisticated strategies in which the principles of flower arrangement (ikebana) and warfare are mutually reinforcing.
  
  
• Dance: A dancing couple can develop forms of mutual anticipation and bonding allowing either to initiate or accede in response to the other. The momentum of any initiative by either can be transformed by the other -- in many respects recalling some of the moves in martial arts.
  
  
• Gardening: Passionate gardeners develop an intimate relationship with the plants they select and cultivate in the spaces avaiable. This relationship of care extends beyond that with individual plants to ranges of species and their cycles through the seasons. [more]
  
  
• Shopping: Enthusiastic shoppers develop a style of interaction with the objects they covet or simply delight in inspecting. Variants are seen in book browsing, visiting art galleries, etc. People may enjoy the process, the temptation and succumbing to it, any bargaining, and the achievement of possession.
  
  
• Tinkering: Exploring artifacts, how they work, how they can be taken apart, how the broken can be repaired, how disparate parts may be used to create something unforeseen -- an invention. Together these processes may create a unique relationship to the world of objects.
  
  
• Discovering / Exploring: For some a special relationship is evoked through travel -- even cruising the highway, or surfing the web. This may however only come about in distant and exotic places with their uncertainties and potential dangers.
  
  
• Personal relationships: Such relationships are perhaps the most fundamentally fascinating to humans, especially between the sexes. They are often recognized as providing the most salutary learnings for those who have unknowingly framed their identities in particular ways that they subsequently discover to have been fruitfully challenged by alternative perspectives. Sexuality, and the metaphors associated with it, suggest ways of framing relationships -- especially of the more violent kinds (rape, etc), notably in military and business strategy-making. Philosophically and existentially they open the way to subtler approaches of relating to the 'other'. Tantric disciplines suggest ways of exploring these possibilities. Common to many of these learnings is the manner in which the 'mechanical' nature of relationships or 'bonds' can be reframed, if only as exemplified by the existential experiences of sexual 'union'.
  
  
• Guarding / Stewarding / Caring: This relationship between a guardian and what is guarded carries a particular quality, whether it concerns a physically or otherwise challenged person, ensuring personal security (bodyguards, etc), people in institutional settings (schools, prisons, etc), buildings and sites (notably those esteemed sacred), or features of the natural environment (species, sites, wilderness areas. etc).
  
  
• Knower / Known: This remains a major interest of philosophy and has been explored by many of its schools. In different ways they have studied the question of who is the knower and what is the known, and how the two are related.

Each of these raises the question of the nature of the shift beyond the most restrictive understandings of such relationships. Why is there a tendency to fall back into the most mechanical framings of any such relationship? How are subtler relationships to be explained and given credibility to those who have not been forced -- whether through bitter or peak experiences -- to recognize their value? More intriguing, however, is how such subtler framings can be embodied in any moment-by-moment sense of self (or community) that transcends the common dualisms (eg mind-body, head-heart, theoretical-practical, etc.) by which people tend to be trapped.

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